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charlotte84

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Why does he want to keep me as a secret?


Okay, so I've been in this relationship with one guy for like three months and it's quite okay except for the fact he wants to keep it secret. We both live in a small town and since he's kinda a known person and has many friends and all the people know him, he said it would be better we didn't tell anyone about us. At first I was okay with that, because I knew there would be much fuzz about us seeing each other and also I wasn't sure if we would remain together anyway. But now, as I said, it's been over three months and nothing has changed. He claimed he loved me and sometimes comes up with the ideas of moving in together or having kids but the fact is that I don't really trust him about that. I don't know any of his friends, he doesn't know mine. We meet on regular basis, but only at his place or mine, where we talk, watch TV or do other things, you know. lol. Sometimes he takes me on a getaway or some trips but as far as our town is concerned, he doesnt want anyone to know. I spoke to him about this but he always says he is afraid of the reaction of the people. Anyways, I feel that I don't want it like this. I may be a coward to ditch him because when we are together, it's kinda nice and I like being with him but I still think he's just not that into me. He's about 6 years older and has a kid, he's got troubles with his ex who he claimes he hates. But I don't think that hate is a good thing. He still might have feelings for her, which is something he always denies. They separated a year ago and she lives with another man. Maybe he is still heartbroken, I dunno. I'm not really afraid of breaking up with him, because I know I may easily find a new guy and I don't see a reason for him to be ashamed for me. It's just that I do like him and don't want to give up on him just because of this.

309 day(s) ago

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Answers (4)

Anonymous
you should end things to open yourself up to a better more open and honest relationship. a man keeping you in secret is only using you and stringing you along; he gets all the girlfriend privileges without the responsibility and respect you should deserve as a real girlfriend. know your worth!

Posted 180 days ago

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bosworthhyphen
Well I don't mean to be a Debbie Downer, but the same exact thing happened to me (minus the kid and age difference) and it turns out my guy was secretly seeing someone else as well. When we were together it was wonderful and he was a loving, respectful, wonderful boyfriend. But he didn't want people to know about us so I got increasingly suspicious over time, and then I found out that he was seeing another girl "secretly" as well and telling her the same thing. I know this because I called her and asked. She didn't know about me either. So there's my story... I hope yours isn't the same, but I'm just giving you my experience. :(
Food for thought I suppose

Posted 264 days ago

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freeda88
Hi Charlotte, my guess is that he's scared of losing you to another man. If he's already lost his last girlfriend that way he might be scared that history will repeat itself? by keeping you 'invisible' he reduces the risk of anything happening maybe? I agree with babydee that eventually someone will see you both together so why not let fate plays it's hand and just enjoy your time together for now until it does? He might just actually like you ALOT!! ;-)

Posted 300 days ago

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BabyDee
Hi Charlotte, strange times! I have to say that I would be a bit like you, and concerned about why I was being kept so "separate" from everyone! You said you both lived in a small town? Chances are that people know already..When people live so on top of each other they notice every little change and your man might want to consider that fact. It sounds like you think alot of him but you also seem to be confident in yourself to know that this situation is not really great either..maybe (and this is just a guess not a fact!) he is still hankering after his ex and thinks that if his ex discovers he is seeing someone else, then there is absolutely no chance of them getting back together? Just an idea but you will know if he still has feelings for her I guess. I don't think you are being unreasonable in questioning this situation - especially if it's carrying on for so long - if you were Romeo & Juliet maybe!! Good luck!! XX

Posted 306 days ago

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